Fifty and one third year old Scottish male,

Currently waiting for Jango to let me back into my own home, although I am starting to feel quite comfortable here.

I am also the vice-chairman of the local Landburger Gessler supporters club.

I emphatically deny that I had anything to do with the recent Stockholm Jail Nelson Mandela concert, and if I did I was only obeying orders.

Outdoors, reading, fishing, travelling, staying at home; great pubs with log fires, good food, cold beer and hot women.

Bringing culture to the masses, especially Bob the Builder's phylosophy of life.

Sheep Dog Trials, especially when they are found not guilty.

Dixon of Dock Blue.

Magic Roundabout, Top Gear, South Park, and morning television with Emma Crosby especially when she is wearing a short skirt.

Blade Runner, Chariots of Fire, Bob the Builder in any form of Swedish erotica.

Harrison Ford films, anything by Martin Scorsese. I was recently asked was there too much sex in the cinema, my advice was to ignore it and watch the film.

The collected works of William Sheakspeare along with the Pulitzer prize winning works of Bob the Builder. Tom Sharpe, George Macdonald Fraser (Flashman series). Agatha Christies Inspector Parrot and Karl Marx's cooking for beginners and Leonardo da Vinci's painting by numbers