LISTEN TO the LUMINEERS And ""T H E .. C I V I L .. W A R S "" ;))
WATCH THE DOLMIO FAMILY http://youtu.be/PYcQ-iU5GbE
love to strum my gueeetaaarr
The Civil Wars - Barton Hollow
Toploader-Onka's Big Moka
Mumford and Sons- Sigh no More
Pink Floyd-The Final Cut
Crowded House-Recurring Dream
David Gray-White Ladder
Otis Redding-Best Of
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.
"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone you love.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said No.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might if they screamed all the time for no good reason.
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.
I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
When I die, I would like to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid Bastard. You've got no arms left.
Black Knight: Yes I have.
King Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
Michelangelo [Eric Idle]: Good evening, Your Holiness.
Pope [John Cleese]: Evening, Michelangelo. I want to talk to you about this painting of yours, The Last Supper. I'm not happy about it.
Michelangelo: Oh, dear. It took me hours.
Pope: Not happy at all.
Michelangelo: Is it the jello you don't like?
Michelangelo: It does add a bit of colour, doesn't it. Oh, I know, you don't like the kangaroo.
Pope: What kangaroo?
Michelangelo: No problem, I'll paint him out.
Pope: I never saw a kangaroo.
Michelangelo: Uh, he's right at the back. No sweat, I'll make him into a disciple. All right?
Pope: That's the problem.
Michelangelo: What is?
Pope: The disciples.
Michelangelo: Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish.
Pope: No, it's just that there are 28 of them
A BIG FKR
Monty python's ...
anything by Woody Allen, Mel Brooks and
So so so so many .